“The Power of Acceptance”
4 minute read
It’s my birthday this week and I’m about to turn 50.
Well actually, it’s only half that statement that is true. And the part that isn’t, is the whole purpose of writing this article.
Confused already? Then let me explain.
It is indeed my birthday this week, but I’m actually only turning 48, and I’m a full two years away from turning the big 5-oh. Regardless, the reality of 50 is upon me, it’s looming in the background, like it’s sat on the horizon, waving frantically, and trying desperately to get my attention.
I’d been turning my back on this shadowy figure for a long time, hoping it would go away, but every time I look over my shoulder, it’s still there, waiting.
But something has changed. And just recently I’ve found myself turning around and waving back; waving to a figure that is no longer in the shadows, but standing in full light.
And I’m also shouting to him, “I’ll see you in a couple of years mate. Look after yourself.”
See you soon pal! Get some beers in the fridge…
There’s something powerful about acceptance, yet it’s something we can have a hard time with.
When it comes to getting older, we often find ourselves in denial. We clutch desperately to our youth, believing we can hang onto it forever. And though it’s beneficial to stay young at heart, we cannot allow ourselves to hide from reality, because reality always finds a way of catching up with us.
Instead, I think it’s far more empowering to look at things with our eyes wide open, and to offer it a nod of acknowledgement. And rather than engaging in the fruitless endeavour of forever trying to recapture our youth, we should look at where we are and embrace it for what it is.
Time cannot be turned backwards, and you get nowhere when you swim against the tide.
This past year I’ve witnessed horrendous things happen to people that I love, suffering heartbreak, deceit, financial hardship, illness, grief, and the loss of loved ones. In most cases, they’re not through to the other side yet, and there’s a long road ahead. And though I’m hopeful there’ll be better times to come, there are lives that will be forever changed.
They’re not alone though, and if there’s one thing I’ve come to understand it’s that nobody gets an easy ride in life, and even the luckiest and most privileged of people still get the shitty end of the stick sometimes. Nobody is immune from hurt. Nobody is protected from the ruthless nature of life.
What this has done though is leave me feeling grateful for the simplest of things, and the most valuable of things. I’m alive, I’m healthy, I have people that I love, and I have people that love me.
So, who gives a fuck about age? All things considered, I’m just grateful to have clocked up another year.
When we deny our reality, we’re left with an underlying sense of incongruence, there’s a sense of unease. Yet this unease can make us double-down on our denial. But, as I’ve already said, reality will eventually catch up with us, and when it does, it hits us for six.
Instead, I’m of the opinion that if we choose to accept reality on our own terms, we can deny it the opportunity to come hunting for us.
We can become the predator, rather than the prey.
Just recently, I’ve started watching a You Tube channel which is all about men’s lifestyle for guys in their fifties. I’ve watched videos in which the host talks about the upward curve of happiness that comes after fifty, the most common regrets of men in their fifties, and things that they wish they’d known while they were still in their forties.
For some readers, they may think this sounds like an incredibly depressing thing to do. But I see it as training. I see it as gentle preparation. I see it as an opportunity to get ahead of the game.
You wouldn’t go to a job interview without preparing. You wouldn’t retire without understanding your pension. And you wouldn’t go on a date without putting on nice underwear.
So yeah, fifty is coming whether I like it or not, so I may as well get there on my own terms. I may as well kick the door in and announce that I’ve arrived and that I’m ready, rather than being dragged in, kicking and screaming, and clutching onto the doorframe for dear life.
Fuck that.
Blokes – “Come on Dave, in you come mate. Be 50.”
Dave – “No, I don’t want to come in, you can’t make me, noooooo!”
I accept that I can’t party like I used to. I accept that I need earlier nights. And I accept that if I have a drink after 8pm then I’ll be up at two in the morning, pissing like a race-horse.
I accept all that comes with my age, but that doesn’t mean that I’m letting age defeat me, it just means that I’m learning how to work with it. It’s become my sparring partner, my dance partner, and we’re in this shit together.
The concept of acceptance doesn’t just relate to age; it can relate to anything. It’s relevant to any situation that we’re trying to avoid.
Whether it’s financial debt, a medical issue, or a fledgling relationship; everything begins to feel a little better once we’ve faced reality and have accepted it. Because once we’ve accepted it, we can then start dealing with it. We can make a plan.
It’s easy to believe that if we ignore a problem for long enough, then it will eventually go away. I mean, that may be true if the problem is a case of bad wind or an unwanted erection, but in most cases, ignoring a difficult reality will only make it worse.
Yet it’s understandable, because we’re human, and we’re shit-scared of the unknown. We fear the things that we don’t yet understand.
But the real suffering is in the denial of reality.
As difficult as it may be, the moment we choose to face a problem head on, we begin to empower ourselves. And when we feel empowered, we feel more in control. And when we feel like we’re in control, we become the captain of our own ship. The master of our own destiny.
So yeah, I’ve already accepted that I’m on my way to fifty, and by the time I meet that figure on the horizon, I’ll be looking forward to meeting him. I bet he’s a lovely guy.
Did this article resonate with you and do you know of anybody that would appreciate reading it? If so then please do feel free to share this article wherever you can.
Do you have any thoughts or opinions on anything you’ve just read? How does this apply to your own life? Do you find yourself hiding from reality? Or do you face things head on? Have you any thoughts of your own on this? Any of your own methods of dealing with things? Or do you perhaps need a little help in this regard? Do you have any other related thoughts about this article that you’d like to share with other readers? Or do you have any questions of your own to ask that either myself or my readers can give an opinion on? Please feel free to leave a comment below and we’ll begin a conversation.
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The Young, The Old, and The Easy Tiger
Turning 40 (and the 12 Biggest Life Lessons That I Learned in My 30’s)
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Way to go… love this take on getting older. I believe the old saying you’re only as old as you feel.
Happy birthday young man ❤️
Happened Birthday….couldn’t agree more with what you say. Life is for living and there’s no point in brooding about a number. Enjoy each day for what it is. There is a lot to be learned from life’s experiences….
I hope you had a wonderful brithday, Elliot. 🙂 I can relate to a lot of what you are saying here. Getting older doesn’t mean slowing down. There’s no reason you can’t lead an adventurous life as you age! It’s impossible not to get caught up in our youth-obsessed culture, where how you look matters so much. Instead of valuing the wisdom, skill and experience that comes with age, our society prizes flawless skin and perky, young bodies above all. Our obsession with youth and beauty means we see age as a curse rather than a gift. A burden, rather than an opportunity that gives you the freedom to live the way you want to live, without worrying about what others think. If “normal” means seeing aging as negative, as degeneration, as illness and death, I don’t want to be normal.
Of course, there will be times when we feel nostalgic for our younger selves or sad about how quickly time passes. A little melancholic nostalgia is normal as we age, we see the fragility of life. In fact, we feel it. Our aching joints or small or chronic pains nag us (or have to get up several times at night to pee…) Even if outwardly we are wrinkled, inwardly we can still be childlike. Getting older is a privilege that is not guaranteed.
“Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.” — Groucho Marx
PS: You’re aging like fine wine…not moldy cheese… 🙂 😉