“Don’t Ever Lose Sight Of Who You Are”
4 minute read
Have you ever reached that point in life where you’ve looked in the mirror and thought, I don’t even know who I am anymore?
It’s something that can creep up and smack each and every one of us in the back of the head, right out of nowhere. But how do we let ourselves get into this position?
It can happen so easily; we spend years experiencing the highs and lows of life, challenging ourselves and trying new things, and we slowly become the person we felt we were meant to be. And then bit by bit we start to come apart at the seams, making sacrifice after sacrifice until all our hard work is undone.
We become a shell of our former selves.
It can happen under different sets of circumstances; with friends, in our careers, as parents, and in our most intimate relationships.
What’s worse is that it’s not necessarily come from sinister motivations or crooked agendas. It can simply be that sometimes it feels less troublesome to adjust to our surroundings, like a chameleon, rather than to stand proudly and to stick out like the proverbial sore thumb.
I’ve seen this happen to people around me, and yes, I’ve also been there myself.
Many years ago I was in a committed relationship with a girl who I thought meant the world to me. She was a beautiful girl and I often found myself wondering how I’d managed to get so lucky. I found myself believing that I had to do all that I could to make sure I never lost her, because I was convinced that if I did lose her then I’d never find anybody that beautiful again.
And surely enough, over a sustained period of time I changed myself, piece by piece, until I became the man who I thought she wanted me to be. I was convinced that I was doing all the right things and that it was the ultimate display of love and commitment. But I’d soon come to learn that it was actually the antithesis of what love and commitment is. I was living a lie, both to my girlfriend, and to myself.
As you can probably imagine, we eventually broke up.
The reality is that to change yourself in an attempt to secure and to save a relationship is actually the very same thing that could split you up.
And the break up can happen in one of two ways; either your partner sees right through you and realises that you no longer respect yourself, or you live with the lie for so long that you become so bitter and twisted that you end up breaking things off yourself. How about that for irony!
You actually stand a far better chance of seeing your relationship flourish and grow stronger by standing proud as the person you are and through being a little bit selfish. Because there is absolutely nothing wrong in speaking up and making sure you get what you need from your relationship, as long as nobody is getting hurt in the process.
If you’re scared to do this then ask yourself what the worst is that could happen. Could this potentially split you up? Are you worried that by being yourself your partner may not want to be with you anymore? If that’s the case, then stay strong and take solace in the fact that this means the person isn’t right for you anyway.
The person who is right for you is the person who you can absolutely be yourself with and who loves you for it. This is one of the greatest freedoms there is, getting the love we need from a person who gives us that love based upon us being exactly who we are.
It took me years to work this out, but it’s easy to now see that the reason why I got it so wrong when I was younger was because I didn’t value myself enough. And the simple equation here is that the higher you value yourself, the higher the quality of your relationships will be. Like attracts like, and so if you want a quality partner, then you too have to become quality first. The more beautiful you become, the more beautiful your partner will be; both inside and out.
To each and every person that is single and looking to get in a relationship, I encourage all of you to first take time out for yourself. Find yourself, understand yourself, nurture yourself, and become yourself. Take this into your dating and relationships, be proud of it, and don’t ever change. Even when you compromise (which is part of a healthy relationship, as long as it goes both ways), it doesn’t mean you have to change the essence of who you are.
And to anybody that is currently in a relationship and feels that they’re not living their truth; start living your truth, start living it right now. Talk to your partner. Tell them what you need. Maybe they have a truth that they need to live too, and who knows, it just might be the key to making your relationship better than it ever has been.
And if it doesn’t, then maybe it’s the wake-up call that you needed all along.
Did this article resonate with you and do you know of anybody that could benefit from reading it? If so then please do feel free to share this article wherever you can.
Do you have any thoughts or opinions on this subject? Have you ever found yourself losing sight of who you are? Is this currently happening to you or your partner? Have you ever had to take action as a result of feeling this way? Do you have any advice of your own to share with the readers? Or do you have any questions of your own to ask that either myself or my readers can share an opinion on? Then please feel free to leave a comment below and we’ll begin a conversation.
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Thank you Alex. I’m so glad you enjoyed this one.